Happy?

[qos]

queenofhalves asked an excellent question: When was the last time you were happy before you had Lohain in your life?

I wrote:

Two things come to mind. The first is working at the rocket company. I had meaningful, fun work, and there was a lot of passion in my life.

After that, seminary. I really enjoyed the community, the study, the challenge.

My problem (one of them, anyway) is creating the kind of stimulating work that both these situations provided for me. *Supposedly* I'm working on that with my SD practice and working on the Ereshkigal book. . . but it hasn't actually turned out that way. I'm not as much of a self-starter as I could be.

And I've probably been underestimating the importance of community to my well-being. I've invested a lot of energy into my self-image as an introvert, independent, not a community-joiner. But when I don't have the community and support of others, I flounder.


Re-posting this here to help me remember.

Comments

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

I'm not as much of a self-starter as I could be.

Were you more of a self-starter at some other point in your life, or is being that much of a self-starter something you are growing into for the first time (in which case, you need to be far more patient with yourself)?

[qos.livejournal.com]

I've never been much of a self-starter -- but I can't help but think that at age 40+ it's past time I developed that skill.

I've always relied on outside influence and structure to get me going: parents, classes, bosses. . . It's not that I'm without initiative, but it's very hard for me to really get myself off the ground without the external impetus -- and expectations.

This is one of those times when I'm not sure how patient I should be with myself and how much I need to plant a boot in my own backside.

ETA: I really appreciate the question, btw -- because I'm not sure how clearly I thought of this as a life-long pattern recently. I'm sure it's occurred to me before, but I haven't been aware of it as such a long-term characteristic. Thanks.

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

You're welcomed.

Being patient with yourself can include planting a boot in your own backside. :-) There is a difference between pushing yourself as though you have had that skill all along and pushing yourself while recognizing you are still learning and will falter from time to time as you get up to speed.

[qos.livejournal.com]

A wise distinction.

Thank you.