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Anniversaries
I went out for drinks after work this evening with three of the other women on my team.
Overall it was a good time. Except for the fact that all three of them have or had wedding anniversaries within a couple of weeks -- and, understandably, they were all enjoying talking about their plans.
And I could say nothing.
I sat there and listened and smiled and affirmed that it all sounded wonderful. And I tried not to let on that each new story felt like another wound in my heart. Each shared confidence reminded me of all I have lost, all that will never be.
On May 31st it will have been a year since Lohain's death.
That's the anniversary I'm preparing to observe.
The pain is less than it was, but it hasn't gone away.
The wound is not as raw, but there is still a hole in my life where he should be.
There's no need to rush things, he told me. We have plenty of time.
God, I want him back.
Overall it was a good time. Except for the fact that all three of them have or had wedding anniversaries within a couple of weeks -- and, understandably, they were all enjoying talking about their plans.
And I could say nothing.
I sat there and listened and smiled and affirmed that it all sounded wonderful. And I tried not to let on that each new story felt like another wound in my heart. Each shared confidence reminded me of all I have lost, all that will never be.
On May 31st it will have been a year since Lohain's death.
That's the anniversary I'm preparing to observe.
The pain is less than it was, but it hasn't gone away.
The wound is not as raw, but there is still a hole in my life where he should be.
There's no need to rush things, he told me. We have plenty of time.
God, I want him back.
no subject
Is there anyone you can or would wish to help you observe Lohain's death? Perhaps that would make the burden a little less heavy.
Feel free to email me, if you'd like.
no subject
I hadn't really thought of including anyone else in my observances. I'm not even sure what I'll do that's different. I've observed his death every day since it happened.
One friend suggested that I go for a hike that day. Lohain loved the out of doors, and I know that it would make him happy to know I was out enjoying nature and getting some exercise, especially if I went to a mountainous place. Maybe I'll invite someone to go with me. . .