qos: (White Horse)
qos ([personal profile] qos) wrote2007-06-23 03:56 pm
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Moving Has Commenced

Step One: Schlep lots and lots of boxes into the house.

Step Two: Assign family members different areas. Mom takes the fragile knick-knacks. Dad starts in on the DVD/VHS collection. Daughter starts on her stuffed animals (many of which, I'm surprised to see, end up in the donation box). I start on the bedroom with my clothes.

Step Three: Make boxes, fill boxes, tape boxes, label boxes, stack boxes. Lather, rinse, repeat.

We got a lot done in just a couple of hours today. The biggest jobs are yet to be done: sorting, prioritizing and packing the library, and sifting through all the files and miscellaneous papers to determine which I need to keep and which I need to get rid of. I'd started that process a couple of months ago, but life intervened. Now it must be done this week. But the process will be good for me.

At one point mid-afternoon I suddenly, without any warning, broke down in tears. It took me completely by surprise. I sat in the rocking chair in my bedroom and cried and cried until my dad came in to comfort me. It's been a long time since he's seen me crying. We talked for a little while, and the crisis passed, but the sadness is still with me.

My parents have gone home. The Daughter is playing in the backyard with the daughter of a friend of Upstairs. I'm going to take a shower and then meditate.

[identity profile] qos.livejournal.com 2007-06-25 01:26 pm (UTC)(link)
that's exactly the sort of pain that would cause the sudden need to cry.

I felt mugged. I was walking through my kitchen, and one moment I was fine, and the next I was sobbing. If there had been any warning, any build up of emotions prior to that, I had been repressing it so effectively that I had not really noted it with my conscious mind.

But that's not surprising either, given that my parents were there and I was in "project mode." The last thing I wanted was to get bogged down in grief. Especially one I couldn't fully explain to them.

[personal profile] oakmouse 2007-06-25 05:43 pm (UTC)(link)
Yah, not surprising. I've found for myself, and seen in others, that often it's exactly the point when the front of your mind is most fully occupied with busy-work that the deeper levels get out the sandbag and refuse to let you keep ignoring them. That's not just true of grief, either, although grief tends to be a situation where the sandbag is bigger and heavier.