qos: (Library Dragon)
2009-02-21 08:37 am

Life

The last few weeks have been incredible.

I met with my spiritual director yesterday and was startled by how much there was to tell him that hadn't even been on the horizon a month ago: new erotic and romantic energy in my life via the Scottish Gentleman and our long-distance chat dates; receiving ordination -- direct transmission of energies and contacts -- from Ereshkigal and Inanna via ritual laying on of hands with my teacher at Pantheacon, followed by a similar, unmediated transmission from Tiwaz when I stood before my household altar at home; having my ordination energies sealed and partially integrated through an erotic but non-sexual encounter with a "sacred stranger" (actually an acquaintance) the next day at P-con; my creativity come back more strongly than it's been in a year or so; making contacts at P-con that will help move my spiritual direction path forward; insights and healing through the meetings I've been having with my therapist which really are reaching down into the roots of longstanding issues; continuing to stretch with Nia; and, oh yes, my first boyfriend, Nick, got engaged last week, and he and his fiancee (who I have yet to meet) may want me to perform the wedding ceremony.

So. . . a lot going on. . . I'll try to post here more often
qos: (9 of Pentacles)
2008-08-14 01:55 pm
Entry tags:

Growing Up

An hour or so ago I sent an email to "Nick" asking him how he perceived I had changed in the decade or so since we'd last been in regular contact.

I'm not going to post his entire answer here, but it can be summarized as "more peaceful, more centered, more humble, more open."

Which isn't so bad.

In my response I found myself writing the following: I think I've achieved a certain level of graceful (as opposed to belligerant) not giving a damn.

I liked that.

When I was growing up, I was taught to be very aware of the expectations of society and church, and to be sure that everything I did was appropriate and would meet with the approval of the authorities of family, school, church, and community. I worry far less about that now. In fact, most of the time, I pay attention only to the degree that common courtesy and professionalism demand.

At the same time, I would hope that at those times when I do stand against expectations I do it in a way that doesn't cause gratuitous conflict or drama.

A certain level of graceful not giving a damn.