eHarmony Comes Through -- I Choke

[qos]

I opened my email box today and there were 7 profiles waiting for me from eHarmony. One is even local. I read them all, and they all seem like very nice men.

And my pulse didn't quicken at any of them.

Most importantly, even as I clicked on the first link I was realizing that nope, I'm still not particularly interested in "finding someone". These men all seemed to be sincerely looking for great women with whom to share their lives. All I could think of while reading their profiles was "I'm not the person they're looking for." I don't want what they want: a partner, a home together, growing old together.

My heart is just not it in.

Maybe one day it will be. Maybe not. In the meantime, I have a lot of love in my life already, and I'm walking a path of my own choosing, one which gives me satisfaction. I don't feel the need for Someone To Share It With.

I suppose that (with apologies to tamnonlinear for the paraphrase) if I don't want any apples, I shouldn't shake the tree.

Comments

Questions for ya

[toesontheground.livejournal.com]

Interesting. How much of your reaction, do you think, was a product of your imagination leaping ahead from this stranger's profile to the vision of you with them as "a partner, a home together, growing old together"? I mean, in reality it'd have to be step by step, surely? And step by step is less scary and overwhelming than plunging in the deep end. Also, what, if anything, is it exactly that you want from a relationship? Maybe you can ask for that, and see what happens?

Re: Questions for ya

[qos.livejournal.com]

Good questions, Barry (as always!).

One of the reasons I "skipped ahead" to the 'happily ever after' stuff was that that was what I was reading in the men's profiles. There was a serious emphasis on finding someone to settle down with, to share life with. The first thing on my list of "5 Things I Can't Do Without" on my profile is "A room of my own with a door that closes."

What, if anything, do you want from a relationship?
That really is the key question: if anything? Deep down, I'm not particularly interested in a relationship. I don't want to be partnered.

So why did I fill out the form? For fun? To see what would emerge from the service? Wondering if some magical lightning bolt would hit me with a soulmate, even after I've supposedly given up on such things?

The fact is, I'm happy being single. I don't want to partner with anyone. I guess I would enjoy some romance in my life, but not romance with the idea of it leading to hearth-and-home.

I guess I'm asking for a stimulating, fun, caring, sexy man to appear in my life who wants to be my playmate: to have fun together and care for each other sincerely, but without a desire to make it a long-term, exclusive, partnership commitment.

Re: Questions for ya

[queenofhalves]

perhaps you should put something like that last sentence in your profile, if you haven't already.

Re: Questions for ya

[qos.livejournal.com]

Actually, I've come to the conclusion that I don't belong on eHarmony, or any other matchmaking service. What this exercise made more clear to me than ever is that "finding someone" just isn't that important to me right now.

I did the profile as a lark, but it's not something I really want to pursue.

Re: Questions for ya

[queenofhalves]

sounds like it was a useful exercise in making that clear, at least. sometimes dead ends are good that way. :>