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Pride
I was up until 2:30am gaming Saturday night, and my two hour nap this afternoon did not significantly enhance my mental acuity. I'm going to try to keep this coherent.
There is a young man named Diego in one of my Ex's gaming groups. I find him interesting, largely because of the obvious sharpness of his mind. I also find him somewhat irritating, because he knows he's brilliant and very well read, and he has a habit of supplying information to others in a way that I find condescending. He doesn't usually ask if someone knows something, he just supplies the data he thinks they need.
I am acutely aware that both Diego and Miss Vicki are rubbing my fur the wrong way because of my pride. I feel that neither of them are treating me with the respect I deserve, are not acknowledging my own talents, skill and knowledge. Both give me the feeling that they think I should be grateful for their guidance and instruction.
Neither have the slightest awareness that I am used to being the person to whom others come for advice, information, and guidance. I seldom hesitate to ask for advice, information or guidance when I need it, and I (usually) appreciate it when it is offered in response to a specific situation in which I clearly need it -- but with these two it's a much more general, habitual thing.
They both set my teeth on edge -- although I do have more respect for Diego's intellectual gifts and education than Vicki's stature as a professional admin, which seems to be the basis for her sense of superiority.
And I'm beginning to get the uneasy feeling that I'm over-reacting to these two. Am I allowing my pride to be offended far too easily? I'm aware that I've let Miss Vicki become something of a personal nemesis, allowing the situation between us to become an ongoing drama, and I should probably just stop feeding it energy, stop talking about it and thinking about it, just deal with her as calmly and with as much detachment as possible. Especially now that my temp status is in the past and we've become peers.
I've always tried to guard against pride. Self respect is good. There are degrees of pride that are good and appropriate. I try very hard to show respect to others, partially because I consider it essential good manners and partially because I want to be sure to keep my own weakness in check. Is my reaction to these two justified in light of their poor behavior, or is it a warning sign pointing out my own arrogance, and a suggestion from the Universe that I should deal with the log in my own eye?
There is a young man named Diego in one of my Ex's gaming groups. I find him interesting, largely because of the obvious sharpness of his mind. I also find him somewhat irritating, because he knows he's brilliant and very well read, and he has a habit of supplying information to others in a way that I find condescending. He doesn't usually ask if someone knows something, he just supplies the data he thinks they need.
I am acutely aware that both Diego and Miss Vicki are rubbing my fur the wrong way because of my pride. I feel that neither of them are treating me with the respect I deserve, are not acknowledging my own talents, skill and knowledge. Both give me the feeling that they think I should be grateful for their guidance and instruction.
Neither have the slightest awareness that I am used to being the person to whom others come for advice, information, and guidance. I seldom hesitate to ask for advice, information or guidance when I need it, and I (usually) appreciate it when it is offered in response to a specific situation in which I clearly need it -- but with these two it's a much more general, habitual thing.
They both set my teeth on edge -- although I do have more respect for Diego's intellectual gifts and education than Vicki's stature as a professional admin, which seems to be the basis for her sense of superiority.
And I'm beginning to get the uneasy feeling that I'm over-reacting to these two. Am I allowing my pride to be offended far too easily? I'm aware that I've let Miss Vicki become something of a personal nemesis, allowing the situation between us to become an ongoing drama, and I should probably just stop feeding it energy, stop talking about it and thinking about it, just deal with her as calmly and with as much detachment as possible. Especially now that my temp status is in the past and we've become peers.
I've always tried to guard against pride. Self respect is good. There are degrees of pride that are good and appropriate. I try very hard to show respect to others, partially because I consider it essential good manners and partially because I want to be sure to keep my own weakness in check. Is my reaction to these two justified in light of their poor behavior, or is it a warning sign pointing out my own arrogance, and a suggestion from the Universe that I should deal with the log in my own eye?
Re: Log hath hit ye between thine eyes...
Both.
Re: Log hath hit ye between thine eyes...
It's a bit of a twinge to have the log bit confirmed, but I appreciate the honesty.
Re: Log hath hit ye between thine eyes...
Welcome Back!
I look forward to reading about your experiences.
Dualism is such a pervasive mindset in our culture. It's amazing that "third road" is something we have to learn to think about. But thanks for sharing the term with me.
One of my best friends used to frequently encourage me to "embrace the beauty of 'and'!"
no subject
I think pride can be deadly, but it's so darn hard to get over it when you're as clever as we are. ;) But seriously, I know how you feel. I used to absolutely despise being condescended to (and I still don't like it much). I think it's easier to deal with if you can recognize that people like Miss Vickie and Diego are usually people who are insecure in some way and need to show how smart/capable they are. I also needed to recognize that my distate for being treated that way stemmed from some insecurity on my part as well. Why do I need people to see me in a certain light? If people don't recognize my intelligence, do I feel that I am diminished in some way? And who, exactly, am I trying to impress? When someone obviously less intelligent and informed than me condescends, I find it only mildly irritating. But if it's someone I think is closer to my equal, it makes me crazy. Why? Those are questions I found helpful in finding out what was driving my pride. I don't know if they help you at all.
Finally, and I really don't know how much this will be helpful to you because I haven't quite figured out your theology, I had to recognize that humility was far more important to God than intelligence. He is not overly impressed by my quick wit. ;)
no subject
You put your finger on it right there. Those are good questions for me to think about further, and probably work on in the privacy of my paper journal, in longhand.
I had to recognize that humility was far more important to God than intelligence. He is not overly impressed by my quick wit. ;)
You made me think and laugh. Thanks!
no subject
You dont have to live with others, youhave to live with your self.