How do you explain your relationship with your lovers to your daughter? Does she see them as your boyfriends, or is she unaware of what is involved. If that's too personal, that's fine. It's just a question that has occurred to me a couple times when reading some of your posts.
She sees them as my boyfriends (and lovers) -- and she's nonchalant about it. She's very smart, but not very worldly, so I don't think she sees anything unusual in my having two.
Her father and I both have had male friends around since she was born, so she's used to having adult males around who take an avuncular interest in her. The fact that these two sleep over with me isn't a big deal to her. She professes herself pleased that I have boyfriends who snuggle me and make me happy -- and play Magic and Wii with her.
In the most basic sense, I "got started exploring bdsm" in childhood, when I was imagining some kinky but non-sexual adventures for my Barbies -- which seems to be a classic motif. I actually confessed my desires and had someone tie me up for the first time in high school.
In my own experience, the hardest part was admitting to the desires in myself. Once I'd done that, and was willing to talk about it to boyfriends/lovers, exploration usually followed. It hasn't been a matter of looking for someone who was into bdsm; all but one of my partners have been more than happy to at least play in that area. My Ex-husband was the notable exception, but we got involved during a point in my life when I thought I was "over that stuff." I learned that I go in cycles, especially if I've exceeded my own natural limits and need to go into a dormant phase for a while.
As for finding this partner. . . luck, fate, destiny. . . ?? I found him -- or he found me -- in the middle of a labyrinth on a sacred island. Both of my lovers are very spiritual and partake of the Warrior archetype, so they have a deep understanding of the transformative power of physical ordeal. I had always groped at a spiritual aspect to bdsm, but it wasn't until I found these two that I have been able to experience it. And the sacred aspect extends beyond the bdsm aspect, I should add. Our entire sexual gestalt is charged with spirituality, and the bdsm experiences take place within that context.
First I'd ask myself if you are someone who is erotically turned on by power exchange. If you were -- and I am not presuming that -- I would suspect that you would be a switch.
I suspect that you could find release from the intense responsibilities of your life if you were able to utterly let go in the hands of someone you trusted, someone who both loved and truly respected you. Your spiritual ethic and vocation of service could also be a source of erotic satisfaction.
But I also suspect that your desire and ability to maintain order and exert authority and responsibility to take care of others could find an erotic outlet in taking control of your partner. You use your authority and power selflessly most of the time. You could get a real charge out of channeling it to serve your own pleasure, and/or to train or discipline your partner to achieve a higher level of performance, responsibility, or other desired achievement. Again, this assumes a consenting partner, and mutual love and respect.
I liked the question above. I know you and I haven't talked that much, but based on our one conversation and what you've read in my journal, what goddess archetype (or specific goddess) would you associate with me?
I'm not much of an out-and-about person, so I would primarily see us as settling in togehter for a long talk about mothering, vocation, tarot, spirituality, and other topics of common interest.
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Her father and I both have had male friends around since she was born, so she's used to having adult males around who take an avuncular interest in her. The fact that these two sleep over with me isn't a big deal to her. She professes herself pleased that I have boyfriends who snuggle me and make me happy -- and play Magic and Wii with her.
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I tend to draw my typing archetypes from tarot, and would guess that you were a Queen of Wands.
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And I have one of these meme's (http://revpanthera.livejournal.com/41413.html) too if you care to question me.
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In my own experience, the hardest part was admitting to the desires in myself. Once I'd done that, and was willing to talk about it to boyfriends/lovers, exploration usually followed. It hasn't been a matter of looking for someone who was into bdsm; all but one of my partners have been more than happy to at least play in that area. My Ex-husband was the notable exception, but we got involved during a point in my life when I thought I was "over that stuff." I learned that I go in cycles, especially if I've exceeded my own natural limits and need to go into a dormant phase for a while.
As for finding this partner. . . luck, fate, destiny. . . ?? I found him -- or he found me -- in the middle of a labyrinth on a sacred island. Both of my lovers are very spiritual and partake of the Warrior archetype, so they have a deep understanding of the transformative power of physical ordeal. I had always groped at a spiritual aspect to bdsm, but it wasn't until I found these two that I have been able to experience it. And the sacred aspect extends beyond the bdsm aspect, I should add. Our entire sexual gestalt is charged with spirituality, and the bdsm experiences take place within that context.
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I suspect that you could find release from the intense responsibilities of your life if you were able to utterly let go in the hands of someone you trusted, someone who both loved and truly respected you. Your spiritual ethic and vocation of service could also be a source of erotic satisfaction.
But I also suspect that your desire and ability to maintain order and exert authority and responsibility to take care of others could find an erotic outlet in taking control of your partner. You use your authority and power selflessly most of the time. You could get a real charge out of channeling it to serve your own pleasure, and/or to train or discipline your partner to achieve a higher level of performance, responsibility, or other desired achievement. Again, this assumes a consenting partner, and mutual love and respect.
Wow... so many questions!
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