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Update - 42 Years Old and Becoming My Dream
Yes, it's my birthday today -- but the important news is that I made a major breakthrough this past week.
Recently I wrote about sitting in my weekly meeting with my manager and getting upset that I was saying the same things again about my fears and frustrations about my project and my inability to manage it the way I needed to. I promised my manager that I would make the necessary changes to my attitude, and in fact, when I turned in my post-meeting list of action items for the week the first item was "Do or do not. There is no try."
And then I had the opportunity to engage one of my stakeholders in a critically important conversation in order to clear up some significant misunderstandings. I did it because it was abundantly clear that she and my mentor had a history of unpleasantness with each other, and were missing each other's points and taking offense in the email conversation. I, on the other hand, have a good relationship with each of them, so I picked up the phone and called the stakeholder and said, "Can we talk?"
And I got great results. The first real tangible, meaningful results that I feel I've contributed to the project.
Afterward I realized that I had just done what I had always dreamed of doing, always believed was some of my fundamental Work: that of being a communication conduit between people who do not get along, or speak different languages, or whatever. The whole point of my Journeys fantasies was to become a person ("the" person, actually) who was trusted, who could speak all languages and understand cultural differences, so that peace could be made.
And I did that at work last week. And felt more satisfaction than I've felt for a very long time.
This is a real part of me. It is a talent, just one I haven't had the chance to use very often.
And on the same level -- probably not coincidentally -- I had a sacred, archetypal experience with LM on Saturday night that validated an entirely different aspect of my private, personal writing: a way of being and relating that I had never actually experienced, nor known anyone who did, but which came from my gut and felt right, as if I was drawing on something true but unknown.
I am finally becoming the woman I have always wanted to be but never believed could actually exist in this world.
[But one who is still a day or so behind reading my friends list!]
Recently I wrote about sitting in my weekly meeting with my manager and getting upset that I was saying the same things again about my fears and frustrations about my project and my inability to manage it the way I needed to. I promised my manager that I would make the necessary changes to my attitude, and in fact, when I turned in my post-meeting list of action items for the week the first item was "Do or do not. There is no try."
And then I had the opportunity to engage one of my stakeholders in a critically important conversation in order to clear up some significant misunderstandings. I did it because it was abundantly clear that she and my mentor had a history of unpleasantness with each other, and were missing each other's points and taking offense in the email conversation. I, on the other hand, have a good relationship with each of them, so I picked up the phone and called the stakeholder and said, "Can we talk?"
And I got great results. The first real tangible, meaningful results that I feel I've contributed to the project.
Afterward I realized that I had just done what I had always dreamed of doing, always believed was some of my fundamental Work: that of being a communication conduit between people who do not get along, or speak different languages, or whatever. The whole point of my Journeys fantasies was to become a person ("the" person, actually) who was trusted, who could speak all languages and understand cultural differences, so that peace could be made.
And I did that at work last week. And felt more satisfaction than I've felt for a very long time.
This is a real part of me. It is a talent, just one I haven't had the chance to use very often.
And on the same level -- probably not coincidentally -- I had a sacred, archetypal experience with LM on Saturday night that validated an entirely different aspect of my private, personal writing: a way of being and relating that I had never actually experienced, nor known anyone who did, but which came from my gut and felt right, as if I was drawing on something true but unknown.
I am finally becoming the woman I have always wanted to be but never believed could actually exist in this world.
[But one who is still a day or so behind reading my friends list!]
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