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Princesses Don't Tend to Become Warriors
A few days ago, I had the doh! realization that one of the reasons why I didn't develop much self-discipline growing up, or any skills in conflict resolution or persistence, was that I really did live a Princess lifestyle. My family was middle-class affluent in a small town -- but I was a King's daughter, and I was smart enough that everything that I needed to do came easily to me, and I was sheltered from any real 'hard knocks.' There was simply no reason and no opportunity to learn persistence, or grit, or the ultimate rewards of repetitive learning.
Last night after I went to bed I had a chat with some of my allies about what I would look like as a Warrior. Not what one of my characters or fantasy avatars would look like, but real life me. It turned out to be a very difficult question, and gradually I realized that I've very seldom experienced any reason to exercise or display Warrior traits. The few intense conflicts or scary-hurtful situations I've been in have been dealt with primarily by retreat, not confrontation. I can defend my own boundaries, and stand up for myself enough to remove myself from an unacceptable situation, but I've not stood up in a way that I would associate with Warrior energy. The only time I've even been in a situation where I felt authentic Warrior energy and skills would have been valuable was last summer's 'adventure' involving my Ex's god-daughter's ex-boyfriend. (Related under filters at the time.)
A Warrior develops by standing up to hardship, obstacles, persecution, danger, and/or pain, on behalf of self or others. A Warrior exercises self-discipline in body, mind and spirit. A trained martial Warrior undertakes hundreds of hours of repetitive drills to condition body and mind to specific reflexes. I've seldom done any of that.
The only time I can remember significantly touching my own inner Warrior was when I was working out regularly at the X-Gym, a high-intensity weight training gym. I learned that my body was capable of far more than I had ever dreamed, and so was my mind. I learned to push beyond previously perceived limits, and I built my spiritual and mental strength as well as my physical strength. And then I let it all go to pot.
But that memory of the X-Gym made me think that even though I don't really have external stimulus to develop the self-discipline and commitment of the Warrior, I do have the internal reason: my desire to become fit and healthy again. And then I remembered that the greatest Warriors -- whether peaceful or martial -- will tell you that it's not about the external battle, it's about the internal one: the overcoming of one's own inner demons and weaknesses to achieve personal victory.
My inner/wiser self understood that years ago, before I ever started reading Warrior philosophy:
For the first time since the arming began, Vladimir smiled slightly. He turned and retrieved her sword from where it lay on the low table before the fire. Holding it in both hands, he extended it to her. Seonaid accepted it, and for a moment they held it together, eyes meeting. “The first victory is in your mind,” he said, and Seonaid could hear the ritual force behind the words. “The second victory is in your body. The third victory is over your enemy. May you be thrice victorious, Seonaid Montgomery.”
For me, at this place and time in my life, to begin to truly develop Warrior energy, it starts with simply showing up for my workouts, for respecting myself enough to build the self-discipline, to choose the 'pain' over self-indulgent pleasures with less value, accepting the exertion and fatigue, and respecting the gift of repetitive efforts (which I have always hated). I also need to focus on the fact that it's supposed to be a labor of love. The archetypal Warrior is motivated by love, not hatred or fear or selfishness, or any external demand of what 'should be.'
Right now, I'm still more self-centered than anything -- but I think this is remedial work, work that I need to do on myself in order to make me a healthier person, someone who will be more effective in the world -- starting in my own home. I want my daughter to have a mother who can be a Warrior role model -- and Sovereign, Seer and Lover too, but this seems to be the easiest and most obvious choice of healing/growth activities. I can start here.
Last night after I went to bed I had a chat with some of my allies about what I would look like as a Warrior. Not what one of my characters or fantasy avatars would look like, but real life me. It turned out to be a very difficult question, and gradually I realized that I've very seldom experienced any reason to exercise or display Warrior traits. The few intense conflicts or scary-hurtful situations I've been in have been dealt with primarily by retreat, not confrontation. I can defend my own boundaries, and stand up for myself enough to remove myself from an unacceptable situation, but I've not stood up in a way that I would associate with Warrior energy. The only time I've even been in a situation where I felt authentic Warrior energy and skills would have been valuable was last summer's 'adventure' involving my Ex's god-daughter's ex-boyfriend. (Related under filters at the time.)
A Warrior develops by standing up to hardship, obstacles, persecution, danger, and/or pain, on behalf of self or others. A Warrior exercises self-discipline in body, mind and spirit. A trained martial Warrior undertakes hundreds of hours of repetitive drills to condition body and mind to specific reflexes. I've seldom done any of that.
The only time I can remember significantly touching my own inner Warrior was when I was working out regularly at the X-Gym, a high-intensity weight training gym. I learned that my body was capable of far more than I had ever dreamed, and so was my mind. I learned to push beyond previously perceived limits, and I built my spiritual and mental strength as well as my physical strength. And then I let it all go to pot.
But that memory of the X-Gym made me think that even though I don't really have external stimulus to develop the self-discipline and commitment of the Warrior, I do have the internal reason: my desire to become fit and healthy again. And then I remembered that the greatest Warriors -- whether peaceful or martial -- will tell you that it's not about the external battle, it's about the internal one: the overcoming of one's own inner demons and weaknesses to achieve personal victory.
My inner/wiser self understood that years ago, before I ever started reading Warrior philosophy:
For the first time since the arming began, Vladimir smiled slightly. He turned and retrieved her sword from where it lay on the low table before the fire. Holding it in both hands, he extended it to her. Seonaid accepted it, and for a moment they held it together, eyes meeting. “The first victory is in your mind,” he said, and Seonaid could hear the ritual force behind the words. “The second victory is in your body. The third victory is over your enemy. May you be thrice victorious, Seonaid Montgomery.”
For me, at this place and time in my life, to begin to truly develop Warrior energy, it starts with simply showing up for my workouts, for respecting myself enough to build the self-discipline, to choose the 'pain' over self-indulgent pleasures with less value, accepting the exertion and fatigue, and respecting the gift of repetitive efforts (which I have always hated). I also need to focus on the fact that it's supposed to be a labor of love. The archetypal Warrior is motivated by love, not hatred or fear or selfishness, or any external demand of what 'should be.'
Right now, I'm still more self-centered than anything -- but I think this is remedial work, work that I need to do on myself in order to make me a healthier person, someone who will be more effective in the world -- starting in my own home. I want my daughter to have a mother who can be a Warrior role model -- and Sovereign, Seer and Lover too, but this seems to be the easiest and most obvious choice of healing/growth activities. I can start here.
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...it's kinda like an archetypal version of "Feel the Fear - and Do It Anyway!" :,)
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To look at me, no one would think warrior. But close friends and family realize I am good to have around in times of crisis. I can feel myself become totally focused on my objective with no fear. And it is always to protect a loved one.
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This is a message that is repeated often in martial arts studies, so many students want to move, to learn the motions. They ignore the self reflective, control aspects. One of the aspects about learning how to breathe is learing self reflection. One of the questions asked at this stage is why a student wants to learn martial arts.
The first victory is indeed in the mind, the greatest weapons, and hours of training can all be defeated if someone does not make the right choices, or becomes bogged down by fear. The path of action goes from spirit (will to act), mind (thought to act, perception of target, choice of weapon), motion (the act), mind (understanding consequence, evaluation of effectiveness), spirit (spiritually accepting consequence).
This thought process can be applied to anything... it is the same as a standard goal setting. A target is just a goal that needs to be reached, and a weapon can be anything that is used to reach the target. Some of the best weapons of a warrior have nothing to do with wood or steel.
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Then I had a trainer change, and the new guy watched me struggling on that machine -- and only that machine -- and suddenly said, "You're not breathing."
"What?"
"You're not breathing. You can't lift if you're not breathing."
Sure enough, once I started actually breathing when I was on the press, I did fine. In fact, that difference was shockingly dramatic.
I've received the same message recently from The Slow-Down Diet, which reminds us to do some slow, deep breathing before meals, to ensure that our bodies are in a resting state not fight-or-flight, and in the Soul Coaching book I just started, where the first week is focused on Air tasks.
I, of course, had been skipping right to the "meat" of the daily lessons and skipping the assigned breathing work.
When you get out here, I would really like to train with you. I think you have a lot to teach me and remind me.
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I used to come home from work, happy to be home and interested in my household, but soon after I would feel worn and cranky, easily frustrated. One day I realized something about my behavior, it wasn't anything in my house that was causing me to be frustrated. It was something I was carrying with me from work, my shoes. My feet held all of the stress of the day, and if I didn't free them when I got home, my spirit rebeled. Now I have begun a simple ritual on most days of coming home from work and taking off my shoes as soon as I get home. Even if I am going to turn around and go back outside, I still at least change my shoes. This in turn reminds me to breathe, and let go of the stress of my workday. The difference is so profound that Jae now notices it immediately if I do get distracted and forget.
Very simple moments can change your life.