qos | Darkness: The Context of the Discourse

I've appreciated all the thoughtful comments on my previous post, and wanted to surface two of them for special attention, because they address the context of the discussions which prompted that post.

sharpchick asked: Who is making you feel as though you owe them an explanation?

If the folks looking to you for an explanation can't get it, then I think they are more focused on the word dark and what it means to them, and probably stop listening to you shortly after they hear the word. And if that's the case, then you'll never be able to make them understand what you mean.

I need to make clear that I don't feel like anyone has been acting as if I "owe them an explanation." The questions I've fielded have come from people whose experience of these things is limited, but who are expressing a sincere -- and sometimes courageous -- desire to understand me and my beliefs.

I'm struggling with my own baggage about "darkness" as much as anything. In fact, sometimes I think I've been projecting my own fears onto people who have actually been more than willing to listen to me with respect.

But

sharpchick does make a good point about some people shutting down when they hear certain words. That's exactly what I'm trying to avoid. I'm trying to find language that accurately reflects my path but which does not cause my listeners to tune out. That may not be possible in all cases, but I do feel that it is part of my calling to try.

queenofhalves said, you seem to be in a phase of wanting to be out and honest with many more people, which is great. but not every audience needs all the details of your practice or your views. i try to give people what they are able to understand, in the best words for them to understand it. i don't think i would speak very deeply of my connection to my gods in front of a non-pagan audience. it's just too private, and i'd rather focus on our points of overlap.

I try very hard to do the same: i try to give people what they are able to understand, in the best words for them to understand it. But it's hard when I'm trying to share something for which I still don't have all the words I need for myself.

I do try to focus on points of overlap, places where I can draw connections between concepts, experiences, or beliefs we have which are congruent -- or at least resonant. Again, the fact that I'm still somewhat new to this path makes it harder than it's been in the past.

As for the issue of privacy. . . my boundaries seem to be a lot wider than those of others. I'm very comfortable sharing things that most others consider far too personal or private. I do feel called to put that openness in the service of making the world a safer place for members of the "alt" communities, when I can do so without giving offense or putting myself at undue risk. I have no desire to be confrontational or to force others to listen to me. However I am starting to find more and more often that people who knew nothing about paganism or alternative sexuality before having conversations with me have expressed surprise that "those things" weren't as creepy or scary or dangerous as they had previously believed.

There are, of course, things I don't talk about. Some things are too personal to share, especially with those who don't have the right frame of reference. But that still leaves a great deal I can talk about in a variety of contexts.